Human to Human

My friend Toke Moeller was recorded in an interview last fall. The focus was on the question, “What is the link between the Art of Hosting and the Commons?” This 8-minute video speaks to some of that.

“Where what matters is what is happening” is one of Toke’s points that stood out to me. It is the question, the invitation, that many of us are asking. Earlier this week, for me it was facilitating a half day meeting and retreat for some county program leaders and administrators that wanted to build team trust and feel more of the same page together. I asked them, “What do you do around here that matters? In what way does your program (Green and Healthy Homes) make a difference?” I asked it of them differently, later in the retreat. “What are you really doing around here? What do you really care about?” It is a core question worth coming back to so as to get to the layers or response.

Toke is more than a friend. He is a mentor. He is a fellow human that I learn from and with often. He is a teacher. Three additional points from this video stood out to me, reminding me of the important questions I want to offer in workshops.

• The purpose of meeting is to be more conscious together in our learning, and, more conscious of the learning pile that is available to us when we are together. This is different than when we are alone.
• How we meet and what comes out of it is a key acupuncture point. The homerun of that is when the operating system shifts.
• What we practice is what the future becomes.

Thank you Toke. 

 

 

Every four years, FSPA, the Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration, elect a new leadership team to guide their community. A President, a Vice President, and three Mission Councilors. This team takes on issues including corporate relations, canonical relations, community vision and direction, and individual and collective spiritual well-being. They make tough decisions about right-sizing, where to allocate resources, and in some cases, declining membership. 

This past weekend Teresa Posakony and I continued our work with FSPA, hosting a Discernment Weekend for the twenty sisters that remain nominated for the new team. Discernment is an ongoing process. Sisters were nominated last fall. They are required to meet in discernment circles with their local communities. They can opt out an any point. Formally, after this weekend, they will need to declare their intent for the upcoming Election Assembly. 

So, how to you help a group of people get clarity on this? To taste some of the excitement? To be honest about the sacrifice required? Teresa and I led them through processes that focused on six questions.

1. What is the yes that brings you here now? — It is not enough to be assigned to these leadership positions, though most of them would be willing to do so. What we wanted to encourage in them was clarity. A clear yes. Or a clear no. Not just a response from obligation. This question began to tease this out, the respect and appreciation that they have for each other and their community.

2. What needs to move now in the FSPA community?  — This question helped to animate the momentum experienced from their General Assembly last summer. The theme then was Risk Boldly the Future. This is the leadership climate that they are potentially signing on for. 

3. How do you match up with this leadership landscape, gifts and challenges? — I loved this circle. It was a time to be honest about what each person brings, what energizes them. And, what context each of them feels challenged in, or feels depleted in. Really important to witness in front of each other.

4. What are your interests in relation to the jobs? — We used simple dots. What do you feel excited about being a part of. It gave a visual indication of who likes to do what so that they would have a better chance of organizing around strengths.

5. What are your interests in relation to the leadership qualities? — Similar to the above, this one also gives them a view of what qualities they have, and an honest assessment of what they don’t have.

6. Is there anything that needs to be cleared? — It is not uncommon for groups to have unspoken elephants that need to be given some attention. To keep the process real, they spent some time on this. 

With these questions, held primarily in circles and small knee to knee huddles, we left them in their discernment. Within two weeks, they will declare if they are in or not. And then, we will engage their larger group of delegates into a voting process in March. I’m happy to be a part of it with them.

• From Canadian Essayist, John Ralston Saul, “We move on because we are able to debate issues, not because we have left them behind.”
• I love the Canadian Geese that have claimed my neighbors yard. pic.twitter.com/W5OaPMMZPJ
• Wow! Shane Koyczan and Hannah Epperson: Remember How We Forgot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBVJuA0jr6Y …
• A letter from a 10 month old to Santa. Funny. Thanks Heather. http://theuglyvolvo.com/2013/12/10/a-ten-month-olds-letter-to-santa/ …
• Just get mesmerized. The intricacy of ant colony underground. Structure. Created by the super organism. http://www.myamazingearth.com/2012/10/giant-ant-colony-excavated-you-wont-believe-what-they-build-underground/ …
• @Narrative_Ink @chriscorrigan @AmandaFenton @TPosakony @Caitlinfrost Great to see your reflections Megan. Yes to wandering.
• Will Durant, American Historian: From barbarism to civilization requires a century; from civilization to barbarism needs but a day.
• Straight talk on citizen engagement (11 min) from Yarmouth, NS Mayor Pam Mood. Thanks Tim Merry for sending: http://bit.ly/19CjyeQ 
• Love this from poet Mary Oliver (thanks Chris Mann): “Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”
• Inspiring story of community reforming abandoned house to space for arts. York, Alabama Open House: http://youtu.be/hh_RB6uWQ-c 
• “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron
• My partner Teresa is hosting a group in Washington State on death and grieving. Good, good perspectives here: http://youtu.be/xLQWM2j3AVg 
• “Activism is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.” The role of art to remove a damn in WA. http://bit.ly/142Mopn 
• I really like this, The Rule of Six, from Joy Hosey. To loosen the grip of certainty. http://bit.ly/19hgc7b  Thanks Jerry Nagel for sending.
• 7 minutes of presence, focus, balance, beauty: http://bit.ly/18cNVdR . Miyoko Shida.
• Now there is a video on humanness and empathy in healthcare. Thanks Jerry Nagel. http://bit.ly/112pZtg 
• On intuitive intelligence & practice from Institute of Heart Math: http://bit.ly/YH3oQH . Learning fields is essential. Thx @tposakony.

 

You know how you sometimes have themes that pop up in the day, week, month that are a just-right fit for the life that seems to be happening? They aren’t consciously planned. But they are consciously welcomed? Something like that. Today is one of those days for me. “Let it be unknown.” That’s the theme.

This morning my daughter called me. She’s in tears. It was a “what should I do” call. She’s been sick with bronchitis. Wearing her down. Something shifted into her sinuses. She’s at the start of a new semester in college. New classes. She is starting a new job, without really clear directions on when to start, etc. She’s concerned about disappointing others and herself. She’s frustrated to the point when it feels like everything is going wrong.

I talked with her. My tone is careful and thoughtful I’d like to think. With brief pause and inner search for what I could offer that would be helpful, I start with, “If it were me, I’d….” I want to be helpful. In compassion and kindness. Not the same as rescuing, though there is a part of me that wants to do that also. I gave her a few of those. Call your boss. Leave a message. Apologize for the awkward timing. Let them know that you are excited about the work. Speak honestly. This isn’t the first or the last time something like this will happen. She is not the only one that this happens too. It is important to myth-bust, no?

That helped.

It was the follow-up text that led to the theme. It is me searching for what is underneath for her. There are unknowns. Fear of crappy outcomes. Fear that they’ve already happened. My best guess — “Let it be unknown. It won’t always be that way. For now rest. Be gentle with yourself and others.”

I have the thought that this helped. The hope. If even only a little now, it is likely to help a lot in the future. Get comfortable with not knowing. The world you, we, live in requires this. And in fact, an unknowing landscape, distressing as it can be, is pretty good birthing ground for new awareness, shift, hell, even transformation.

Let it be unknown came up again later in the morning. Talking with my partner Teresa, we were in one of those conversations about things unseen. I read from a book I’m reading now about how the world is much bigger and weirder that we are lead to believe. Yup. My best way to get into all of that, which feels utterly important as the kind of human that I am, perhaps many are, is to let the unknown be itself for a while. Let it breath. Let it be in it’s own and natural gestation period. Rumi writes something about that that I like, about being comfortable with not knowing the answers. They come to you when it is their time.

It was Rumi that also wrote, “Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough. From now on I’ll be mad.”

Let it be unknown.