Human to Human

It is not knew for me to feel that I learn a lot with my kids. I’ve always loved being a Dad with them and learning about that. I’ve also always loved being a soul-traveller with them. The adventures we have together in regular day to day life often offer some of the most reaching and important teachings I experience and need in broader life. Here’s some picked up this weekend in our together time.

From Zoe, fifteen years old — offer something that feeds a relationship.

This comes from awareness of her full and engaged teenaged life. Friends to be with. She is alive and excited in her social life, being with a growing group of male and female friends. She has many commitments — church service, piano, homework. She can be busy each and every minute of the day. And often is. In my hunger to honor where she is, and support the depth of our relationship, I find myself inviting her to offer something that feeds the time that we have together. Some deliberateness of time. Some deliberateness of attention. Something amidst all of the busyness of a full and vibrant life. What a gift to feel my heart longing for our special connections and to find myself reawakened to the broader principle of offering something to feed the relationships I am in.

From Isaac, thirteen years old — be curious.

In the last month, I’ve had several different friends and colleagues stay at my home. Edgard Gouveia Jr. from Brazil and the Berkana Exchange network, Steve Ryman from the Art of Hosting Community of Practice, Thomas Arthur from Earthanima. With each I’ve noticed myself looking for a simple way that I could support Isaac in interacting with them. What is it that I could say to him that would help him to feel at ease with them so that he can enjoy so much of what I love in these friends, and, so that they can enjoy so much of what I love in Isaac. Isaac is naturally quite good at this — just be curious. Ask them about who they are, what it’s like to be them, what it’s like where they live, etc. He has such a kind heart. What a gift to see him in his simple curiosity, building friendships.

Elijah, five years old — it’s ok to pause.

Elijah is this fantastic five year old. So ready for engagement. So much wanting to play. So much appreciating friends. He has a kind of hunger that is beautiful to be in so much engagement. He wants to play a game. Great. It often seems before the game is complete, he’s asking about being able to play it again or about playing another game. The same with eating. Before completing a meal, he often asks about another meal. Or dessert. He’s like a lot of what I remember with Zoe and Isaac at this age of life. I find myself sharing with Elijah, in his excitement of life (and in my fatigue sometimes as Dad), that a pause is a good thing. It’s ok to pause. It’s good to honor the completion of one thing before needing to launch into another. Thank you Elijah for helping me to remember this in all of the projects that I’m a part of.

Offer something. Be curious. Pause. Good teachers, these beautiful kids that I get to journey with in this life.

Our local Practitioners Circle met for the last time in 2010. A lovely circle hosted and harvested by friend and colleague, Jane Holt of the Salt Lake Center for Engaging Community.

Jane invited us together to support a civility initiative:

The SLCEC is joining in a collaboration with Salt Lake City and the State of Utah in a state-wide project called Utah Civility and Community 2011 Initiative. SLCEC will be meeting with community groups in four regional meeting and in specific communities to invite citizens to be in conversation about civil discourse and the importance of engaging in citizen conversations that matter for their community. In our participative circle this month I am inviting input from our group to begin creating critical questions that we may use in the convenings planned throughout the state. I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts on what it means to be “civil”  and to be in a “civil dialogue”. You may have a story to share where you have experienced or observed a lack of civility. I am looking forward to what you can help me create on behalf of the Utah Civility and Community 2011 Initiative. I hope you can join me in this conversation.

Developing Critical Questions for a community conversation on Civility in Public Discourse.

If you were invited to a community discussion on Civility (in public discourse), what are the critical

questions you would like to talk about with your friends and neighbors?

The harvest of questions is here.

I particularly like the way the Jane helped us to meet in inquiry, to begin to explore questions that would support this initiative. I can imagine using these questions in an exercise to help participants begin with inquiry and deepen their own questions.

Nice work.

I moved ten days ago. From an apartment to a townhome. Of course, that meant moving boxes. I’m taking the time to go through those boxes. Mostly to recycle, toss away, clean house. In those boxes are some gems that I have not seen for some time. A few that delight me with surprise — “oh yah, I remember this — that was good!”

Enjoy this, from an email offering (with Sharon Joy Kleitsch in Tampa), a bit of definition on what the Art of Hosting is.

-an experience of learning in living systems
-being in big imagination as community
-broader practice beyond method in deep, lasting, sustainable change
-framework for transformation
-a learning and operating pattern for full stakeholder engagement and action
-a way to build leadership capacity
-fielding, working with energy fields in groups

Nice grounding points as people begin to explore the choice of this form of work together.

Yesterday I was pleased to welcome a couple of colleagues and friends into a workshop, Playing to Change the World. Edgard Gouveia Jr., a Brazilian friend in the Berkana network, led this workshop. His spirit and disposition are welcoming, gentle, playful, and committed. Steve Ryman, a fellow Art of Hosting Steward and co-leader with me of a Berkana Community of Practice on changing health care systems, joined as participant. I’ve known Steve as ever curious in his learning and always one who offers and serves. And my son Isaac joined us. Isaac is 13 now. A gentle and kind heart, who has been my teacher in so many ways in life. My son, yes. And indeed a colleague and friend that I love in this journey of life. Together we joined with 15 other friends and colleagues in the Salt Lake Valley to learn well together.

One of the things I loved about this workshop is the games that we played. Invitations to just let go. Ways to touch our toes. Ways to moved around the circle to meet people. Ways to re-pattern our brains through counting, clapping, jumping. A simple circle dance to help us greet each other in play. And a couple of other circle dances in beauty and joy.

With these, and I find with all of the games I use, I work from the principle — “there are things our bodies know that our minds can’t know.” Games give us one way of coming into that kind of knowing, both for ourselves and for the knowing that can show up in a group. This principle shifts for me the context and purpose of games — from a cuteness to a deliberate learning strategy that invites all of us to be more whole. I enjoy the simple playfulness. I also really enjoy the moment when I feel opened, when the group feels opened to much more intelligence together. And I love how people respond to remembering this kind of body intelligence and opening.

Another thing I loved in this workshop was the sharing from Edgard about the Oasis Game, some of his work in deliberate use of games to create communities that can change the world. He shared videos of people playing together, working together, creating beauty together — all of this in an area devastated by flooding. He shared some of the framework from which the Oasis game works — in this 2 minute video Edgard talks about three of those principles (1. Gaze – an appreciative approach to seeing beauty everywhere; 2. Affection — find the story behind what you see — we are not working to save people, but rather learn with them; and 3. Dream — blow on the ember and hope that is within people to restore hope in communities.).

Here are a few pictures from the day (and a hike the day before in Utah’s Wasatch Mountains).

Thanks Edgard, Steve, Isaac, and all who participated in our growing local Salt Lake Valley network of people practicing participative leadership. Through our learning and connection, my hope is we continue to evolve ourselves and our local leadership culture (connected to others regionally and globally) into its next level of wholeness, wellness, and participation.